I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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