Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
