too bad you live with your parents still
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
