Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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