Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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