Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
