is your mom at the bar?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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