I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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