Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
