there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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