Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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