mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
