I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we should paint friendship bongs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
