I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
