Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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