You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
