please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
