i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
