Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
