I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
