Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
