The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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