well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
