Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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