He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
