I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
