you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
