You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
