i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
