I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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