i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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