do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
