i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
