So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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