Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
