My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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