I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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