you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
