This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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