apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
