we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
