Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
