You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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