when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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