I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
