i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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