Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
