Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
