Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I will die if light touches me.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do vagina's smell?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
