I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
