His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
