Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We have started to decorate penises.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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