You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
