Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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