This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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