Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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