Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We talked him into tasing himself.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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