everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
