While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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