jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
