im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I smell like Dick and happiness
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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