There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
