I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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