Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
