I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
