Michael Bay diarrhea
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
