dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
