I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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