and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
