Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
