ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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