# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
